Money Quotes

“They got really experimental towards the end of the night, particularly once the guests started pouring those sake-boxes for the cooks, who could not decline (dishonor). I think at one point somebody deep-fried my leather Raiders hat.” — Smuckles

“Why does this minivan in front of us have a spoiler?” — Yeti

“What could be better than pork and cheese and Ranch Dressing!” — She Who Will Be Obeyed.

“I made $250,000 last year, don’t call me unproductive.” — An RNC Protestor, via Esmay

“But this is far too outrageous for people to sit quietly by. It’s one thing to report selectively; it’s something completely different to write fiction and pass it off as news. The Associated Press has apparently decided to trade in its credibility with news readers and media sources in order to libel George Bush and a group of people who reacted in a most human and sympathetic fashion to the news of a political opponent’s ill health. ” — Captain Ed

“He’s a very old gorilla and he’s never felt a single bit of empathy for another living creature” — Jackson

“I just love brooches. They are so cute” — Simpson

“It’s certainly nice (that) … I don’t have to go out there and shoot a round like this just to try and make the cut” — Woods

“It appears as though the individual lost track of his altitude” — Ironically named parachute instructor, David Pancake